Merry Christmas

Here's my family's Christmas card for this year. Turned out pretty cute huh? Anyways. Merry Christmas!

A Vegas Weekend in Pictures

Bellagio water show

Fountain in front of the Venetian

Me & Turf. This guy was on America's Got Talent recently. He didn't win, so he went back to doing what he did before: Street Performances.

Sherese's Farewell

Celeste and I were just looking for a balloon. We didn't find one. So naturally we just tried on the masks instead.

Sunsets

If there is one thing in this world that will never get old, I'd say it's sunrises and sunsets.... really just the sky in general. Sometimes I pull over on the side of the road because the sky is so beautiful I would hate to miss the opportunity to preserve it through an image.

Photograms

This is just a little something we did in my photography class known as photograms. It was a super fun time. 

Loving my major!

So I started school a week ago, and may I just say that I am loving my major! (Art and Visual Communications) School really isn't so bad now that I just get to be creative all the time!
So, for the first assignment in my photography class we had to do self-portraits. Doesn't sound that hard right? Wrong! It took me two days to get one I liked. While I was out in the backyard taking my self portraits using a bar stool as a tripod, the sprinklers came on. Of course. Anyways, here are some of those:

Okay. Nextly, in my 2D design class, we're working on Positive/Negative assignment and I'm not even going to begin to try and describe what that is. Anyway. I had a design that I really liked for some reason, but it wouldn't work for the assignment, so I made a version of it digitally just for fun.

I never appreciated abstract art until I had to try and make some. It's harder than you would think. Anyway. That is all.

Rajacenna aka one of the most amazing artists ever

Ok. So I wish I was this talented. Check out her website and take a look at her gallery. This girl's gift is beyond incredible.

Stadium of Fire

Dress rehearsal on July 3rd.

Happy 4th!

Talking to Celeste who is all the way in Nebraska

Stadium of Fire Chorus Participants

Scotty McCreery! He is a real dream boat.

Scotty!

The Stadium

Waiting to go onstage for the finale

"Quick Amber! Make your, 'Oh my gosh! We're in the same stadium as Scotty McCreery' face."

Those would be the signatures of the Beach Boys. I didn't get them unfortunately. Someone sent them to me in an e-mail.

 Here we go with the story behind the photos. My sister talked me into taking part of the Stadium of Fire chorus. It was my first time ever at the Stadium of Fire. We got to hear the Beach Boys & Scotty McCreery live. It was a great night. I personally wouldn't do it again. I'm not a real fan of choir humor.

Wardstock

Me and Whit performing at the 1st annual Wardstock

So. Our singles ward decided to do a combined activity with another ward, "Wardstock". Basically what it was is a bunch of people singing. Like a concert, but with a ton of different performers. My friend Whitney got roped into performing and she convinced me to sing with her. We sang "When You Say Nothing At All" by Alison Krauss. The original:

There was this guy there who sang like, 5 songs. I'm not complaining because he was way good. He has a...band?... called Built of the Architect. His music is pretty good. Anywho.

It was a really good experience for me to sing in front of an audience. I was so nervous and had to hold onto the mic stand so no one would notice that my hands were shaking so bad. We practiced the song only a few times because we had to change our song the day before. Despite the short notice of change, we got the song down. We even added a few awesome harmonies. But of course when we performed, things did not go so well. Our pianists sheet music fell off the piano. Yikes. But people told us that we sounded good, so I guess I should take their word for it.

YSA Super Summer in Gunlock: Part One

It all started at about 9 in the morning when we (me, am &jam) all left together in one very nice rental car. (Actually it started at 6 in the morning when Amber went to go do Heather's hair for her wedding, but that is a different story entirely). I must say that it felt like one of the shortest drives to Gunlock. At least for me. We stopped once on the way to eat because we all skipped breakfast and Jamie was "eating herself from the inside". So after about 4 and a half hours, we sure did make it to sweet Gunlock.

Somehow, we were among the first to arrive. (Apart from my own mother who went a day early to prepare the way). Since Amber is thoughtful and whatever, she wanted to wait around for everyone, or most everyone, to get there so she could help get them situated and settled. So it was a little boring, but we entertained ourselves for about 37 seconds while we took the photo seen above. Obviously Amber was too bust texting to take anymore pictures with me.

FINALLY, mostly everyone made it to Gunlock. Me and Jam were quite hungry, so we (Amber included) drove to Veyo to see what sort of options they had in regards to food. There was a Mexican food joint, a pie cafe, and a pizza parlor. Pizza looked like the best option. Naturally, in a small town such as Veyo, we were the only customers. But the advantage to this was that our waiter was extra friendly and very aware of our needs as customers. I told Amber that it was like the restaurant on Goonies. The type of place that hides dead bodies and what not. Anywho..... While waiting for our pizzas, Jam showed us some "fat" pictures on her iPhone that she took with the weird app, it basically just makes your face fat. You know the one. Well. I was lucky enough to get a gander at what I would look like if I gained 500 pounds.

Yes. That is what I would look like. Scary stuff. Amber and Jamie were laughing so hard I thought for sure they were going to pass out from not being able to breathe. I wonder what the guys at the pizza place thought of the random hideous outburst of laughter....? Amber got her picture too, but she would probably kill me if I posted it, so.... I won't.

Anyway.... After we were done eating in "Radiator Springs" aka Veyo, we headed back to Gunlock. In our absence there were some new arrivals including my dear sweet friend Whitney. Whit and I went for a walk and talked. And of course we took some pictures.

 Me, Am & Jam

 Me & Whit

 My momma, Am & Me

 Am, Me, & Whit

Dinner was served, after which a  large portion of our group went to Tuacahn to see Hairspray. Those of us not wishing to suffer through it had a lot of free time followed by an outdoor movie. Wondering how we spent our free time. Well we played the cowboy game. What else?

How does one play said cowboy game? Well. You put on a cowboy hat (the kind randomly found in the living room downstairs) and you talk in a hick accent for a few hours. That is all. And it was very fun. Anyway. Outdoor movie. August Rush. Makes me wanna be a musical prodigy real bad. Anyways... that is pretty much day 1 of this fun little getaway.

FREEDOM! (Oh wait. Not yet.)

     I had my last college final today! I finished in 5 minutes so I was somewhat concerned (I mean, FINAL. It's a scary word) but then again it was only 25 questions long and I actually studied for this one. So I was feeling pretty free afterward. I thought, "FINALLY. I can be stress free!" But then I remembered all of the other crap in my life that causes me to be stressed out. Like applying for colleges and how to pay for said college. Also the fact that I need a job real quick like. For the Dominican Republic. And of course I still have my High School finals that admittedly aren't as difficult and I shouldn't even be worried about them. But it's still stuff I have to do.     
      I just want to be able to have no pressing matters on my mind that occupy my thoughts. I just want to forget about it all. To be free. But of course freedom doesn't exist when you still live under the roof of your parents. And it still doesn't exist when you move out. Because you have even more responsibilities when you do that.

     Sometimes I just wish I was a little kid again. I wanted to bad to grow up and be one the "big girls". But now that I'm here, I just want to go back. Back to the days of stretch pants and scrunchies. Back to making of dance routines on the trampoline and playing with imaginary friends. Back to nap time and innocence. Back to being worry free.

                                            

"Just Friends"

I found this today and found it somewhat amusing.

:) Funny.

Tired

"Life is one long process of getting tired."-SAMUEL BUTLER, Note Books
*ain't that the truth?*

I'm stressed and instead of fixing it, I'm postponing the solution. I'm lonely yet I would rather isolate myself within the confines of my own room rather than mingle in the midst of my family. I'm poor and I can't find a job. I'm tired of saving every dollar I make because my funds are depleted. I feel insignificant because I compare myself to others. I'm overwhelmed with my life. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of constantly being buried under my stress. I'm tired of being lonely- spending most of my days without much contact and conversation with other humans. I'm tired of feeling neglected. Insignificant. Average.

I'm tired. And I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend like I'm "fine" with life.

Today was my last day of college classes. Which means next week I have finals and then I'm pretty much done until next semester. Needless to say, this past week has been hard. And you would think that it would be getting easier. Maybe a little. But I still have a lot that I need to do. Study for finals. Apply for scholarships and fill out college applications. Clean my room. Do laundry. Get Christmas presents for Brooke and Tyler. You get the point.

I'm alone. I used to be fairly social. I mean, I had friends to hang out with on the weekends. Now I'm lucky if I get a text. Just one. And only one. Because whenever I reply, that seems to be the end of the conversation. Until next year of course when I get another single text. It's always from the same "friend". I guess I should have some consolation in the fact that she puts forth some effort. Even if it is somewhat pathetic. Sure, I could have put forth more effort to keep some of my old friends, but not this particular one. I went to her house (unannounced) on multiple occasions with cookies or rice krispie treats. She was always excited to see me. And our conversations would always end with "let's do something soon". It never happens. I'm done. What's the point in having friends if they are going to require me to put forth all of the effort? The way I see it, if they REALLY wanted to be friends with me still, they would put forth at least a little effort. Just a little. People are always telling me, "It's your own fault that you don't have friends. If you want friends, then you have to put forth the effort." I'm SO SICK of that. Or of course there is the "Oh stop. You have friends." And then they proceed to name people that I hardly ever see let alone hang out with. And of course if I bring that up, they just disregard what I'm trying to say because they know better and I'm just wrong. Sigh. Anyway. You think I'd be over it by now. I've been friendless for over a year. But it still hurts.

I also am in desperate need of a job. I really want to go to the Dominican Republic this summer on a humanitarian trip with my medical explorers group. But it's $1800, and for a girl with no job, that's quite a bit of money to come up with. So, I've been job searching for months with no luck. I can't expect to get any financial help from my parent's because Celly is getting married in April and they can't even pay for that really. So it's essentially solely up to me this time. And I don't think I can do it. Especially if I can't find a job within the next few months. Sure. There's babysitting. But the monthly payments are 400$/month. I can't make that much just from babysitting alone. It'll take a miracle to get me to the Dominican Republic.

To top it all off, my self-esteem has been taking a real beating lately. I saw a quote somewhere that said, "Don't let comparison steal your joy", but that's really hard to do when you have a hard time thinking anything positive about yourself. I just feel so... pointless. I don't feel like there's much purpose in my current life. Nothing I do matters to anyone. There isn't anything about me that is "Danielle". I have no real talents or hobbies-at least none that anybody cares about. There isn't one thing I do that I feel like I get support from other people. I don't want to be the center of attention. But I don't want to be off in the corner collecting dust either. Elese has cross country and track. And she's fast, so every one thinks she's so cool and awesome. She gets everyone's support. Celeste... she's getting married so she's automatically everyone's top priority. Brooke has roller derby. That's her "thing". Amber has Kris. He takes up her time whenever she's not working so I don't really know what's going on with her. Faith is an aspiring everything. And she's young so of course she's going to get support. And that's great. I was the same way when I was her age. I wanted to be everything. So I'm happy for her. Right now she's taking hip hop but it's ending soon because it's too expensive. But I think next year my parents will probably pay for her to do basketball. And then there's Gracie. If you knew her you would understand. But she DEMANDS attention. She's just that way. Anyway. So I hope that Illustrated the point of what I was trying to get across. I just wish there was something that I did that people appreciated and recognized me for. That's all. Call me selfish or attention hungry. I don't care.

So what am I here for? I'm the person people come to when they need favors. Love that. (NOT).

I just want to feel important. Special. Loved.

Not lonely, sad and meaningless.

I'm not saying that's how it is. But it is how I've been feeling.

Procrastination At It's Best

Story of my life right about now. I have a pretty lengthy to-do list. Write a sociology book review. Study for an english mid-term. Write a 10-12 page history paper. Make a PowerPoint presentation for History. Read the geology chapter. Read the sociology article. Geology enrichment activities. All 3 of them. Oh. And apparently I'm supposed to fit sleeping and eating somewhere in there. So you see, I certainly don't have time to waste time. But I do it anyway? Why? See, that's the part that I'm confused about. I have all of this stuff to do, but I just don't do it. Instead I'm "pinning" things. Or reading books for fun. Or .... Hm. Blogging?! What? My motivation is just shot. I don't know if that's because of the classes I'm taking, or just because I've been in the public school system for twelve years and I'm just tired of it. Either way. My homework isn't getting done and my grades are struggling. Oh life. Why must you be so busy?

P.S. I feel really weird when I post on my blog because I feel like I'm just talking to myself. OH WAIT! I am. Because no one reads this thing anyway. Which brings me back to the question, Why am I wasting all of this time talking to myself?